Is Anger Hold You Back? with Dr. Rob Reimer

Anger and its sinister sidekick, unforgiveness, may be exploiting you.  In this interview, Dr. Rob Reimer shares why anger holds you back versus pushes you ahead, how anger may be manifesting in your life, and what to do about it.  This episode looks at anger with a microscope in hopes of bringing awareness to its roots in your life.
After attending a leadership conference in January where I (Jonathan) heard Rev. Dr. Rob Reimer speak on the topic of Soul Care, I felt a prick in my heart when he spoke about anger.  I still felt I was wrestling with it from time to time, and that I wanted it gone, completely.  I invited Dr. Reimer back onto the show for this special episode to focus on the topic of anger and how it holds driven people back (if, of course, they struggle with anger in any way).  This is the second time Dr. Reimer has appeared on the show.  His past interview (Episode 15) on the Heart Healthy Hustle Show garnered the most downloads of any other episode to date with thousands of streams (watch it on youtube here).

Enjoy episode #98, with Rev. Dr. Rob Reimer!

About Rob: Dr. Rob Reimer is the founder and president of Renewal Ministries International which assists leaders in experiencing renewal through writing, speaking, and mentoring that fosters, personal, and corporate renewal.  A gifted speaker and communicator, he regularly speaks at conferences, leadership retreats, mission fields, churches, and seminaries in the United States and abroad.  Dr. Reimer’s books include Soul Care, Deep Faith, River Dwellers, and Pathways to the King. He is Professor of Pastoral Theology at Alliance Theological Seminary in Nyack, NY.


Favorite Success Quote

“It is cosmic treason to possess the keys of the kingdom and not to utilize them to set the captives free.”



Key Points

1. Lingering Anger Even After Healing

Do you ever feel an internal “torque” when you witness injustice or are treated unfairly?  Rob explains that anger is a secondary emotion.  Always ask, “what’s underneath that?”  You have to get to the roots.  Too often we deal with behavior management.  Doing that is like dealing with the symptoms versus the disease.  What are the roots underneath anger?  Sometimes the roots underneath anger is hurt.  Many people do not take time to process hurt(s).  The soul is like a suitcase in the sense that you have to unpack the “dirty laundry” out of the suitcase before you can repack it with nice clean laundry.

2. Root Issues and Hidden Wounds

Unpack the roots.  In order to do this, one must assess what is underneath the secondary emotion of anger.  Many times the underlying emotion to anger is shame.  If one has a soul wound that is festering, it will hurt when it gets “bumped”.  There is often unprocessed hurt, and unprocessed shame in those wounds.  When we get hit in those areas, we tend to explode, or get “torqued”.



“You teach what you know, but you reproduce who you are.”



3. Why Should Young Professionals Face This Issue Sooner Rather Than Later?

If you do not unpack the junk that is in your soul, you will be carrying all that baggage into your future and current relationships.  You teach what you know, but you reproduce who you are.  You will end up making it a pattern in your family.  If you do not deal with your anger, your kids will wrestle with it too.  If you want to break the chains that often hold families in bondage.
If you find yourself saying, “I’m nothing like my ancestors, I’ll never be like them!”, you must realize that you can never gain freedom in rebellion, you can only gain freedom by dealing with the issues at hand.  If you rebel against something you are still in spiritual bondage to the thing you are rebelling against.

Healing cannot complete its work in you if you do not face the issues at hand (for example, ignoring the negative and trying to overwhelm yourself with new good stuff).  You can continue ignoring the root issues, while simultaneously trying to jam new “laundry” into your soul, but the existing root issues will still exist there if you are not open to releasing it.

4. Symptomatic Expressions of Anger in Our Lives

We are all “too busy”.   Lack of healthy time management often leads to angry outbursts.  Rob recommends scheduling enough time for everything you will need to remain grounded and live a well-balanced life.  This is easier said than done, but it is doable.  It may require you cut out some activities and habits that no longer serve you like binge-watching Netflix on Saturdays.   Accept that trying to fill too many things into your life is ineffective anyway, and only leads to frustration.  Not leaving enough time for the right activities is detrimental to mental health.  Most people do not leave enough margin in our lives.  We run too fast.  We do not have time to process our hurt because we are running too fast.  Leaving enough time to journal and process is important.  Times of solitude and reflection are crucial to processing hurt.  Spiritual rhythms in life are important to maintaining.  When you notice that your spiritual rhythms are becoming disrupted, let that act as a reminder that you likely need to take time to process.   Slow down all the “RPM’s” from time to time.  Ask, “is there hurt that I haven’t dealt with?” , “Is there anger that I have not faced?”.



Heart Healthy Hustle Round

Heart: What activity do you use to care for and strengthen your internal character?

  1. Reading.  2)  Silence and solitude.  Rob enjoys spending time alone with God and in a “retreat” space.  3) Have fun and ENJOY life.  Rob enjoys elite cigars.

Health: How do you maintain your physical health and avoid burn out?

Bike regularly; Rob aims to ride roughly twenty miles per session.  Get outdoors as much as possible.

Hustle: What’s your main motivation for doing what you do?

His life has been changed.  He has gotten free from a lot of evil things, and his life continues to improve.  The healthier you get, the healthier relationships you have.  Rob wants to see everyone have a healthy soul.  


5. Make a Commitment To Real Community

If you do not have a real community, try to develop friendships and slowly begin building through being honest and open.  Love for God, love for people, and love for life.  


“Everybody’s worthy of love.  Not everybody is worthy of an investment.”



Influential Books

Let Go  by Francois Fenelon 

Churchill: A Life  by Martin Gilbert

The Gift of Being Yourself  by David Benner


“The Park Bench Paradigm”

If you had 60 seconds with your younger self in a restless period of his life, what would you tell him and why? 

If he knew his purpose: “Hold onto it with all your might.  There are a lot of things that will not happen in short periods of time.   But if you will be tenacious, and you will hold on.. eventually, they will happen beyond your wildest dreams sometimes.  Give yourself to the task with due diligence, perseverance, and a good attitude, and things will work out (most of the time).” 


Connect with Dr. Rob Reimer

Dr. Rob Reimer’s Books on (CLICK HERE)


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