Dr. Rob Reimer is the founder and president of Renewal Ministries International which assists the church and church leaders in experiencing renewal through writing, speaking, and mentoring that fosters, personal, and corporate renewal. A gifted speaker and communicator, he regularly speaks at conferences, leadership retreats, mission fields, churches, and seminaries in the United States and abroad. Dr. Reimer’s books include Soul Care, Deep Faith, River Dwellers, and Pathways to the King. He is Professor of Pastoral Theology at Alliance Theological Seminary in Nyack, NY and the founding pastor of South Shore Community Church in Brockton, Massachusetts, where he served as lead pastor for 22 years. Rob has taught to thousands of leaders and lay people internationally.
“You will never rise above your level of self-awareness.“
“Self-awareness is the gateway to transformation. It doesn’t guarantee it, but you can’t get there without it.“
1. It takes Two Healthy People To Have a Healthy Relationship
“What you don’t know about your soul is already killing you and it’s killing those around you.“
The only person you’re responsible for is yourself. Focus on growing, developing, and changing yourself. This improved Rob’s personal relationships.
2. Your Soul Is Like A Suitcase
When you start a trip, your suitcase is filled with clean clothes. After a week the suitcase is filled with dirty clothes. Before you can take the next trip, you have to unpack your suitcase from all the dirty clothes. There’s no room in your suitcase to pack in the nice clean and neat healthy things that creates healthy relationships if you don’t empty out all the dirty clothes. Your soul gets packed up with junk in life, and if you don’t unpack it, you can’t get the good things in life. For example, if you have a lot of anger and bitterness in your soul because of the hurts of your past, and you’ve never forgiven people for what they have done, and you’ve never processes the pain in your life, than there is no room for love and peace in your soul.
3. Live With No Secrets
This vulnerability will not allow you to hide and live in a state of feeling ashamed. Find an appropriate and safe community. Over sharing with people when they have not invited this, is not vulnerability, it’s manipulation. Make sure there is a group consensus that you are in a safe place before unpacking your suitcase. This is crucial for true growth and improvement.
“When you’ve been hurt in community, you can only be truly healed in community.” – Dr. Rob
4. Business Is About Relationship
Relationship is built on a foundation of trust. Self-awareness is crucial if you aim to connect with people. If you don’t have self-awareness, there will be gaps in your empathy. This will affect your leadership negatively.
5. Develop Self-Awareness
As you go through conflict, people will drop filters and will tell you how it is. Even if they tell you the whole truth in an edgy or slightly exaggerated way, there’s some truth in there that you need to grab a hold of. Go through conflict with humility so you can grow from it.
6. Don’t Defend Yourself From The Truth
The truth is not an intrusion. Don’t defend yourself anymore. Every time you defend yourself, you are keeping yourself from the truth. The truth is your friend. It will help you, but you must receive it.
7. Journal, Pray, Process
When you are secure in who you are as a person, secure in the love of God, not desperate for others to love you, then you can listen, filter out the lies form the truth, and come back and own everything you need to own. If you do this, you are going to grow immensely. In addition, it gives you credibility to speak on both sides of a conflict. Own everything you need to own.
This applies to most types of relationships.
8. We All Have Insecurities
Shame is a fear of not being accepted if people really knew who you are. Everyone’s fear of being vulnerable is rooted in shame (the fear of not being accepted). If someone accepts a ‘false-self’ version of you, you’re not truly getting loved, your false self is getting loved. This in turn re-enforces the shame. To avoid this trap, try to live with no secrets. When you are brutally honest and live with no secrets, the reality is, the person you look at in the mirror every morning, is the person you are presenting. When you live in congruence, you live with a boldness and a deep inner sense of inner peace.
9. You Are Deeply Loved, Regardless of Your Past
God loves you. You are loved, even now. Jesus came to seek and to save the those who do not know Him. The security of realizing this love, allows you to feel secure in pursuing soul care.
The Heart Healthy Hustle Round
Heart: What activity do you use to care for and strengthen your internal character?
Silence and solitude. Silence can help you decompress if you internalize stress a lot.
Health: How do you maintain your physical health when your default “mode” is full bandwidth?
Biking 3-5 times per week. When traveling, Rob speaks all day quite often. He eats well and enjoys walking.
Hustle: What’s your main motivation for doing what you do?
Rob wants to see people experience the freedom that God has for them. He hates to see people stuck and in bondage. He wants to see everyone experience fullness. Jesus said he came to give us life, and life to the full. This abundance. Many people are living with so much stuff in the suitcase that they’re not living free, and not living full of the abundance that Jesus can provide.
If you could go back in time, what would you tell your younger self and why?
Don’t defend yourself. Let down your shield of self protection as this will allow you to experience the joy and fullness that God has for you. When you let down your guard, you will begin to receive things that are incredibly helpful for your life.
Tramp for the Lord by Corrie Ten Boom
More on Dr. Rob Reimer
Soul Care by Dr. Rob Reimer
Deep Faith by Dr. Rob Reimer
River Dwellers by Dr. Rob Reimer